About Vulcan Weaknesses
by yukiislikesnow
Summary: 5 times where Spock was at a disadvantage for being Vulcan, and the 1 time he had the advantage because he was the Enterprises' Vulcan. Kirk POV


In response to a kinkmeme, 5 times Spock was at a disadvantage because he was Vulcan, and the 1 time he had the advantage because he was the Enterprises' Vulcan.

Title: About Vulcan Weaknesses...

Pairing: Implied Kirk/Spock

5. Delta Vega was cold. It was like an entire planet made for the production of icecream or something. Complete with icecream protecting super monsters. And ever since I got marooned here I vowed I'd get Spock stuck here too.

I wish I hadn't. Seriously, I figured Vulcan is a desert, was anyways. And at night deserts get really cold. Well not in Vulcan they don't. It goes from 'OMG! I'm fucking melting in my boots' to 'Damn, do we have to wear clothes?' If I had known this I would not have volunteered Spock to do the away mission.  
I  
f I had known, I wouldn't be sitting in some cave clinging to a half-dead half human praying. If I had known I wouldn't be trying to desperatly remember what Bone's told me about treating hypothermia. If Spock doesn't die Bones is gonna kill me. If he does die, I'm gonna kill me.

4. Seriously, I couldn't help but laugh. We were in the middle of a peaceful talk with a Klingon dignitary and his daughter comes up to Spock and tells him he's pretty. I laughed and kept on watching, I mean, how often do you see Spock at a loss for what to do?

Then she asked him for a date. I actually snorted. He went with her to the terrace, but only to decline. She gave him a swift kick in the lower back. And Spock made the girliest noise I ever heard. I bust out laughing...until he fell over. How the hell was I suppose to know Vulcan's produced semen somewhere in their lowerbacks?

3. Vulcan had oceans, hell, Vulcan even had whales. So I guess I just sort of assumed Spock could swim. I mean, even if Vulcan had no water, he still lived in Earth for a while. Why not learn to swim? Apperantly it had never been relevant to his interests.

So when 'alien race I can't pronounce' said the traditional way to seal a treaty was to dive into the ceremonial pool, I dove. And I had Spock by the arm.

I now know Vulcan's evolved from felines. I also now know Spock is not above using me as a floatation device. I also now know that 'alien race I can't pronounce' likes physcal comedy.

2. Vulcan's are rendered unconcsious in the presence of Nitrious Oxide. That I actually knew. I knew because when I first joined the fleet my roommate rigged up a special Vulcan roofie...it didn't end well.

So when Spock suddenly collapsed I didn't panic. Instead I calmly told Chekov to get Spock out of the line of fire and preceeded to open fire on the enemy. I did start panicking though, when Chekov dropped Spock. Chekov cursed a lot and picked him back up so I kept firing.

But when we got to a safe place after the fight Spock was only semi-lucid. He'd hit his head really hard, and he'd breathed in a lot of that gas. I started worrying again, but for the sake of Pavel, I pretended Spock was just as immortal as ever.

And it was pretty calming to hear Chekov recite pi in an effort to calm Spock.  
3.14159265358979

1. Vulcan's have sensitive hearing. I didn't know this until the morning after it was relevant. You see, we beamed up a Romulan nomad, totally peaceful (that was a shocker), and he made quick friends with Scotty. And the two of them made quick friends with the still in the back of engineering. I'm not sure what they called it, but it was strong.

Apperantly I burst out into song after my 3rd glass. Loud song. Loud, love song, right into Spock's ear. He wasn't rough with me. I know because I have no bruises. But Scotty did say Spock made an angry motion towards my crotch before I started screaming my second verse.

The next morning I woke up in Sickbay with Bones staring at me. When he saw that I was awake he jabbed me in the neck with a hypo and started muttering about how 'damn irritating it is to have to help that pointy eared bastard from drunken idiots.' Nurse Chapel also mentioned how I had tried to 'molest' Spock's ears in apology.

Scotty had better put a warning label on that new hooch.

0. Selek is a bastard. No ifs ands or buts about it. He walked around like he owned the place and marched onto the bridge like he belonged there. Then he insulted Spock like it was his job to make sure Spock felt like shit.

Spock just stood there. Took every insult, every eyebrow raise, and every fucking sneer.

But we didn't. Uhura distracted him first with some Vulcan saying and then Bones jabbed him with some anti-allergy hypo that makes a Vulcan's eyesight temperarily blurry.

After that we all had a go. Spock wasn't there to see it. He'd left right after Selek said 'whore'. And I'm kind of glad he did leave, because I know he would have pulled me off of Selek much sooner than Sulu and Bones.

But after the fight was over I made sure to give Selek a little verbal abuse too, for good measure.  
"You called Spock an inferior animal with no place in the world. You said his human half made him weaker than rightful Vulcans. Well you just got your ass handed to you by a bunch of humans. How weak does that make you?"

___________________

For those of you waiting on requests, I'm sorry, had a family crisis, forgot about them. These were written mid-crisis between bits of horrible-ness.


End file.
